be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
