My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
cat food counts as protein by the way
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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