First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
