Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
