Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
nutella sex= disaster
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
