U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
