So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
God I need to hump something, right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
