I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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