She is in my trunk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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