You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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