uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
