i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I believe in your delicious
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
