Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
