hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
