if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
