dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
