He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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