he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
