Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
