Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
