Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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