I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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