i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
