I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize