Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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