I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
