You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
