I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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