I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
