he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize