Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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