I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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