everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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