It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
