I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize