Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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