I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
