Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
