nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
