Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
