I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
