you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
