Yo dont text me then not text me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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