Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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