i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
