This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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