it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
