dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
