The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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