I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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