we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
