I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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