When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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