Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
