the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
