the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
