My brain says no but my pants say off.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
