Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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