he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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