don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
